new links

hey, beardlovers. I added links to waiterly sites. Mr. Innominate, here's a better breakdown of answers to your tip question. That's all for now. Gotta go gussie up for zamelia's wedding. They're my bandmates in ozark cousins.

Late Night Flip Flop

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I have to go to bed NOW!

Formats available: Quicktime (.mov)

Tags: waiter, drunk, will probably sleep all day tomorrow until the zamelia wedding

Roller Coaster of Rent

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I celebrate. Then I talk to my landlord and I talk at customers who don't respond. Please don't be mad at me.

Formats available: Quicktime (.mov)

Tags: waiter, customer, landlord, rent, celebration, dog toy, wedding, zamelia, ill be back

Too Nate Too Furious

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I clean house today, and talk to a nate.

Formats available: Quicktime (.mov)

Tags: waiter, john denver, nate, bartender, cue cards, tips, fight, drink, sportsracers

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Room

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Many people changed their minds this week, including video game behavioral experts, fashion designers, convicted killer gender benders, republicans, kelly clarkson fans, and perhaps George Lucas.

Formats available: Quicktime (.mov)

Tags: waiter, indiana jones, george lucas, kelly clarkson, sex change, beer, coffee

Sippin' Larson and Juice

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Dude, I need to find a way to make money for fewer hours so I can have more time to make these movies.  Time to sleep...

Formats available: Quicktime (.mov)

Tags: waiter, double shift, jill larson, drunk, swear words, sir mix-a-lot

Beard Science

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I hope you're sitting down. Critics are calling this one "the most shocking wheezy waiter to date"-atlanta quarterly. I don't want to give anything away.

Formats available: Quicktime (.mov)

Tags: beard, waiter, blitzed, harry potter, whisker act, regret

Meritocrazy

For those of you who had trouble watching that video game movie I mentioned last week, the boys at Harmony Joyride made a few improvements. This link will take you directly to the movie. And if you didn't have trouble then you receive one merit point. Hopefully Mr. Josef Weber earned this to bring him back to zero. After 700 merit points, one of you gets a prize. I'm thinking the Benzine T-shirt since no one has paid my rent or showed me a genuine nipple. So if you were planning on showing me a nipple, it's too late for the T-shirt, but I will give you a thorough critique on your nippular contours.

Also, plastic passion, you receive five merit points for your suggestion. Doodleman, three, rus-trick, two, inspector whatever, also two, and gluebrass, a wink and a ding. Okay, you get one. Oh yeah, gelatoallimon gets four for posting all the time and being from italy. if any of you think you deserve merit points, e-mail me and I'll weigh the facts.

boing,
wheezy waiter

p.s. stv slv gets two for the boing.

Life lessons from one who has lived it all

According to wikipedia, on this day in 1991 Sonic the Hedgehog was released in the United States! Holy crap! Yeah, I was a Sega owner. Sega was for the cool kids. We didn't walk around with a stupid Italian plumber (who never plumbed anything) we ran with a kickass hedgehog!! and everyone knows a hedgehog is fast as shit and super tough. you wouldn't want to mess with this nimble, towering beast.

(okay, so later I played super nintendo, too. I was kind of a video game nerd)

I wasted hours of my life on that game. After a few calculations.....mmhm......carry the 3....... oh my! If I would have started making movies every weekday starting on that day I would have 4,176 movies! let that be a lesson kids. avoid the hedgehog.....avoid the hedgehog....it's spikes will pierce your virgin soul.....

yours,
wheezy waiter

Good Morning

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An ode to a friday morning during a day off.

BEHIND THE SCENES TRIVIA: filming and editing actually went into the afternoon.

Formats available: Quicktime (.mov)

Tags: waiter, morning, joan lunden, pterodactyl, tyrannosaurus, goldie hawn, corns, music video, us weekly, dane cook, pro choice

when nate met sally

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i'm finally able to use my tripod cuz ryan gave me the piece I needed.  and my boss might be watching.  Also, the first installment of The Nate's I Know, featuring Nate "sound of piano here".  He's the drummer in my band.

Formats available: Quicktime (.mov)

Tags: waiter, keith moon, sally, tripod, climax, bang the drum slowly, asthma, inhaler, ding

The Fountain

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this movie is obvious filler. I apologize. I wish I had all day, everyday to make these movies, but I don't. I did enjoy filming at the beach all day for Ozark Cousins, though. If you want to see a trailer, go here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qGAPr4NrsIY

can I do that? Can I link to a trailer for a movie in the description of another movie? Well I just did. I'm the wheezy waiter. I break the rules, bitch!

Maybe I would have had more time to make this movie if I didn't take so long on the description. again, I refer to the last sentence of the previous paragraph...bitch!

wink (ding),

-ww

Formats available: Quicktime (.mov)

Tags: waiter, drunk, filler, lame, i hate myself, fountain

Corner Store

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Today I read the stars, wore all my shirts, talked to my beard, went to the store, hooked up JB, and took a nap.

Formats available: Quicktime (.mov)

Tags: waiter, nasa, beard, nudity, clothes, hot, store, built to spill

Home

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my trip home for father's day involved squirrels, scarlett johansson, sustenance, photo booth, airplanes, and child birth.

Formats available: Quicktime (.mov)

Tags: waiter, fathers day, photo booth, bus, wisconsin, mom, dad, scarlett johansson, airplane, home

Father's Day

Happy Father's Day everyone. As a long time son I feel as though I'm an expert in this field. I believe anyone can wish anyone else a Happy Father's Day, whether they be a male human, female human, daughter human, or son human, anything, as long as they're human. The truth is, we all exist on father's day unless we're dead (depending on what you read), and it is important that we all have a happy day.

Hell, we all partly come from a father (until cloning runs rampant, anyway). Even if you've never met your father or hate him, know that half of you had to come from some dude's loins. We all have a stake in this thing called "father". So wish each other a happy Father's Day, and wish each other a happy day no matter what day. Today just happens to be Father's Day. With that, I bid you all a happy father's day. For tomorrow, expect an awesome recap of the weekend.

wink (ding)
wheezy waiter

Where is all the crime? oh yeah, not in Wisconsin.

hey. sorry. no movie today. I'm visiting my parents in Wisconsin. Already filmed some good stuff for next week though.

you know where Wisconsin is don't you? it's one of the states bordering Chicago. The other states bordering Chicago are Indiana and Illinois.

I normally get the regular hamburger at Mcdonald's, but since I'm in Wisconsin I ordered a cheeseburger for lunch. Gotta keep true to your locale, ya know?

if you absolutely must see moving pictures with me in them, you should go here. click on webovision, extend wolffenstein pictures, and select "beaten, but with dignity". click "watch" in the window to the right. It's a short movie made for a nintendo short movie contest. It didn't win, but winning is for nerds. DANZIG!

see you soon.

wink (ding),
wheezy waiter

since you've been trained

Click to Play

matthew mcconaughey and kelly clarkson finally reveal their true feelings.

Formats available: Quicktime (.mov), Flash Video (.flv)

Tags: waiter, matthew mcconaughey, kelly clarkson, thank you

leave it to cleavage

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this movie is a great reason to use the word "boobs" as a tag.

Formats available: Quicktime (.mov)

Tags: waiter, boobs, cleavage, drunk, apartment, shirt, benzine, girlfriend, boobs

Makin' Whoopie!

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today you suggest me in my face with ideas and I also clean my toilet.

Formats available: Quicktime (.mov)

Tags: waiter, toilet, cooking show, trickery, rocking out, break dancing

Rock Show!

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what happens when a wheezy waiter is whispered an early wock show awival time.  he typically uses the word typically too much.

Formats available: Quicktime (.mov)

Tags: waiter, rock, avril lavigne, typically, typically, rebel scum, hurry

SLAP!

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in a scary world, one waiter tries to make sense of it all.

Formats available: Quicktime (.mov)

Tags: waiter, spit, pants, biff, drunk, lars von munich, thanks

the day of rest

sorry, no video today. even god rested on sunday, and he's super powerful (depending on what you read). Plus, we (my friends and I) had to film a scene for the movie were making, which we didn't do because our hook up for the camera (carlos) fell through. I did get to drink coffee, though, and talk to my friends matt and zaid about matt's new script involving a bicycle developed by Tesla whose pieces are scattered around the world, and when the bike comes together it can be super powerful, much like that god dude (or girl, depending on what you read) I mentioned earlier.

I'm going to attempt another five movies by friday. Might be hard cuz my band has a show on tuesday. If I can't squeeze one in then I guess I'll make another saturday special. Who knows, maybe I'll eat another breakfast sandwich.

woo, just made it before midnight!!!

I have it

Click to Play

Once I put on a shirt and ate, I spent my saturday in awe of the pope.  How did you spend yours?

Formats available: Quicktime (.mov)

Tags: waiter, shirts, enema, eat and grow, pope, joke, music video, bounce

the duchess and the dirtwater fox

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a reimagining of the tribulations of an american princess/a women jail movie

Formats available: Quicktime (.mov)

Tags: waiter, paris hilton, danzig, judge mathis, mike judge, hamlet

Feelin' Lazy

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lazy thursday, featuring another edition of "it's a mad mad mad mad mad mad... there are a bunch of different types of waiters"

Formats available: Quicktime (.mov)

Tags: waiter, lazy, music video, monkey, rumsfeld

The Chum

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the wheezy waiter's first installment of "it's a mad mad mad mad mad mad.... there are a bunch of different types of waiters".

you make me feel so dumb

Click to Play

if you're not done, don't act done

grammar postpones freedom (once again)

my mother always told me, "always remember to label your enemy combatants 'alien unlawful' before you detain them for five years without trial. now shovel the driveway, before I smack you!" Ah, motherly love.

Full Pig

Someone I know roasted an entire fucking pig today. I ate that shit. The ribs were awesome. The cheek was the best. If you gotta eat pig, plunge teeth first into the side of the face.

Sideburns

hey, complete strangers, I seemed to have missed a day. But not if you consider the fact that I've only had a full night sleep once since my last post.

The reason I'm late is because I've been working all day editing this movie. It's a silent movie that goes with my side project called Ozark Cousins. Here's some photos from our last shoot a few days ago. (See if you can guess which dude I am.) You can download the entire album here.

And yes, that's right. It's a side project. More on my primary project later.

greetings, complete strangers. Not much time. Gotta go counsel a group of 1st level video game bosses. It seems they feel inadequate since everybody beats them, and beats them so early.

band name idea based off of the abbreviated version of the word used to put in your name to get a seat at a restaurant:

rezo!