i bet the slow pace of movie posting makes you worried, huh? well, don't worry. i have many things planned, including an actual webpage (not a blog) and a special trilogy filmed sometime in the future with awesome cameras over a period of three weekends.
unfortunately, making movies takes a lot of time. I have other obligations that involve more people than just me. still working on this movie, and a bat mitzvah video, and my band has a show august 10th. spending six hours a day on my personal blog isn't a good excuse to put things off. even if anonymous's groin muscle depends on it (see july 26th comments). unless I die, the movies will come, and they will be better than ever. if I die, tell my loved ones to bury me with my laptop, no wait, creamate me, put me in a salsa jar, and bury me with my laptop and a bag of chips. but first, dip a couple chips in my ashes and eat them. film it, too. and post it on wheezywaiter. I'll tattoo my password somewhere unexposed (tee hee). got all that?
oh yeah, this guy came into the restaurant I work at last friday. he was a "people you only know from the internet" crazy crazy crazy type of customer.
wink (ding)
-ww
Jul 30, 2007
Jul 26, 2007
nepotistic baseballistic missile
Jul 25, 2007
wheezy warden?
the before and after of a lengthy work shift. and an example of the creativity killer that is the daily grind.
Formats available: Quicktime (.mov)
Jul 23, 2007
Potchya in the tuchas
I apologize for the delay in movies. I have oodles of ideas I want to get out there, but ahf tsu loches, I must make some money editing a bar mitzvah video so I can live. Oy, a kulg! If you think you have enough chutzpah, write a song about chips and salsa. Details are still in the side bar. Or if you want to be a schlump, you can watch my movies below. Mazel Tov!
for yiddish translation, go here.
for yiddish translation, go here.
Jul 21, 2007
doctor doctor
Jul 17, 2007
That'll be Costenya
money is slim these days, but comments are plentiful. If only this were a comment economy. We could make one. Let's call it communism. already taken? look at all those celebrities in the tags. Think any of them will watch this movie? Hopefully Maggie Gyllenhaal does, YEOWZA!!
Formats available: Quicktime (.mov)
Jul 16, 2007
Verbal Tip
I should've been working today.
also, it's a crazy, crazy, crazy, there are a bunch of different types of customers.
also, it's a crazy, crazy, crazy, there are a bunch of different types of customers.
Formats available: Quicktime (.mov)
Jul 14, 2007
Saturday the 14th
There are plenty of movies to watch below this post and in the archives. And check out the new syndication in the sidebar.
Friday the 13th is an exceedingly unlucky day. The following things happened to me on previous Friday the 13th's:
I lost my job, someone broke into my car, I lost the presidency by a landslide, my corporate empire dipped out of the fortune 500, I went blind, I lost both my legs, I accidentally bought diet sprite when I wanted regular, and I became a waiter.
However. Rest easy, wheezies. Saturday the 14th is the luckiest day ever. Here's things that happened to me on Saturday the 14th's:
I got my job back, North Korea shut down their nuclear reactor (I am personally affected by this in ways you can't understand, so shut up), the guy who broke into my car came back and repaired it (at a competitive rate), my blindness turned into deafness (which I think is a lesser handicap), I met someone I think I'm in love with at a paraplegic convention (I lost my virginity), I was elected president of Uruguay or something, and I've learned to like diet sprite almost as much as regular.
You see. Don't let Friday the 13th get you down. Just wait a day. And remember to keep working on those songs about chips and salsa.
wink (ding)
wheezy waiter
Friday the 13th is an exceedingly unlucky day. The following things happened to me on previous Friday the 13th's:
I lost my job, someone broke into my car, I lost the presidency by a landslide, my corporate empire dipped out of the fortune 500, I went blind, I lost both my legs, I accidentally bought diet sprite when I wanted regular, and I became a waiter.
However. Rest easy, wheezies. Saturday the 14th is the luckiest day ever. Here's things that happened to me on Saturday the 14th's:
I got my job back, North Korea shut down their nuclear reactor (I am personally affected by this in ways you can't understand, so shut up), the guy who broke into my car came back and repaired it (at a competitive rate), my blindness turned into deafness (which I think is a lesser handicap), I met someone I think I'm in love with at a paraplegic convention (I lost my virginity), I was elected president of Uruguay or something, and I've learned to like diet sprite almost as much as regular.
You see. Don't let Friday the 13th get you down. Just wait a day. And remember to keep working on those songs about chips and salsa.
wink (ding)
wheezy waiter
Jul 13, 2007
Holiday Road!
a surprise guest appearance from across the atlantic and/or the southern hemisphere of my face. Also, a recap of Monday's field trip.
Formats available: Quicktime (.mov), Flash Video (.flv)
Jul 11, 2007
Jul 9, 2007
Field Trip
One of the best things to come out of my waiting job was our company picnic today. It was at Great America!! Unfortunately for you, that means no movie. Right now I have not the time, energy, nor concept of reality that is required for a movie. And my pocketbook is looking quite "sexy" (by "sexy" I mean the current standards of beauty set by fashion super models and the greater part of western culture-- slim to the point of being unhealthy). And since my hot, arousing pocketbook is so fine, I may need to pick up a double shift tomorrow...and the next day. In the mean time, keep working on those songs and telling all of my adventures. Thanks. And I think you're all sexy.
cut to close up on face: I mean in a healthy way.
cut to mid-shot: Like in a Scarlett Johansson way?
cut to close up on face: yeah, you're all that sexy to me.
cut to mid-shot:
wink (ding),
wheezy waiter
cut to close up on face: I mean in a healthy way.
cut to mid-shot: Like in a Scarlett Johansson way?
cut to close up on face: yeah, you're all that sexy to me.
cut to mid-shot:
wink (ding),
wheezy waiter
Jul 8, 2007
Deadlines and Overtime
Hey Beardlovers. Since we now have three chips and salsa songs I suppose I should put a deadline on the entries. You have to have the song written by one month from today and the lucky winner wins the Benzine T-shirt.
Money is pretty slim these days so I may need to pick up extra shifts at work, which means fewer movies this week. I apologize, but on the plus side I won't get evicted. See you soon.
wink (ding),
wheezy waiter
Money is pretty slim these days so I may need to pick up extra shifts at work, which means fewer movies this week. I apologize, but on the plus side I won't get evicted. See you soon.
wink (ding),
wheezy waiter
Jul 7, 2007
Die as hard as you can
Hey, beardlovers. This ode to the Die Hard series is linked from the Ze Frank blog. I hate to be redundant, but I had to post it. Everyone should see it. Especially my dad.
Behind me on the shit box Carson Daily is interviewing Cameron Diaz during Live Earth. Ooooh, now Madonna is singing. It sounds like a parakeet trying to mimic a vacuum cleaner. I gotta hurry, I can't miss this.
Good job on the drunk comment, Ryan. Remember everybody, drunk comment tonight...after you're done watching Live Earth of course.
Damn, look at all the celebrities in the tags!
Behind me on the shit box Carson Daily is interviewing Cameron Diaz during Live Earth. Ooooh, now Madonna is singing. It sounds like a parakeet trying to mimic a vacuum cleaner. I gotta hurry, I can't miss this.
Good job on the drunk comment, Ryan. Remember everybody, drunk comment tonight...after you're done watching Live Earth of course.
Damn, look at all the celebrities in the tags!
Jul 6, 2007
To Friends
as the week comes to a close I send a message to all of you, my beautiful friends.
Formats available: Quicktime (.mov)
Jul 5, 2007
the day after yesterday
Jul 4, 2007
Ian-dence Day
My friend Ian and I get ready to pick up chics before we go to a barbeque and celebrate the eradication of illegal aliens on independence day.
here's a link to a new chips and salsa song by Inclement Weather.
here's a link to a new chips and salsa song by Inclement Weather.
Formats available: Quicktime (.mov)
Jul 3, 2007
Krang Time
this one's about 22 minutes late, but in "Krang" time, it's spot on. my brain hurts.
Formats available: Quicktime (.mov)
Jul 2, 2007
Peacockula
I think the name says it all. wheezy edit: oops, I meant July 2nd, but I ran out of time.
Formats available: Quicktime (.mov)
Jul 1, 2007
momento crucial
Hey, beardlovers. Tonight I finally earn money for doing something other than slingin' eggrolls. No, I'm not selling my body, you crazy, I'm editing!!!! Granted, it's in spanish and my spanish is a little, shall we say, oxidado. My friend Ryan (the one in the baseball hat) shot some footage at some latino clubs here in Chicago for a latino website and I'm editing it. Hooray! or should I say, maravilloso!!! Espero que gane muchos de dinero, mis amigos!! If you'd like me to edit something for you for money, let me know. I really like money. I could even re-fill drinks for you and bring you food in the middle of my editing.
Stay in touch tomorrow for the first day of "One Hour of Production Power Week", in which I spend no more than one hour making each movie. And keep working on those songs about chips and salsa. the Benzine shirt's starting to smell.
wink, (ding)
wheezy waiter
p.s. congratulations, zaid and amelia. the wedding was amazing.
Stay in touch tomorrow for the first day of "One Hour of Production Power Week", in which I spend no more than one hour making each movie. And keep working on those songs about chips and salsa. the Benzine shirt's starting to smell.
wink, (ding)
wheezy waiter
p.s. congratulations, zaid and amelia. the wedding was amazing.
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